From the Hideout – Finally, a formula that calculates the Cuteness of your Dog!

26 Apr

 “Chapter 2: Cubby” is coming up tomorrow.

Today, I intend to share this awesome formula with you. I’ve been working on this since last evening. If you’ve read this, you know that down here, I am forced to find innovative ways to keep myself occupied. One would expect my temporary subterranean abode to at least tempt the mice, but they too have kept away. I think that the canine smell on my clothes must have worked as some kind of vermin-repellent.

Without meandering any more, let me come to the crux of the canine-cuteness matter.

Here’s the formula.

Cc = (The sum of the values of the positive traits of your dog)/(The sum of the values of the negative traits of your dog)
If a trait exists in your dog, provide a value of 1. If it doesn’t, provide a value of 0.

Here’s the list of the five positive traits that make up the numerator.

  1. Innocence
  2. Playfulness
  3. Loyalty
  4. Love
  5. A round knobby nose

And the five negative traits that add up to form the denominator are as follows.

  1. Evil
  2. Revengefulness
  3. Hatred
  4. Duplicity
  5. A devilishly pointy, trifurcated tail

Sample Solution:
Here’s how I worked out the Cute-ness of my dog to be “infinity.”

How to calculate the cuteness of your dog - the secret formula - bobby elhans

If you have a canine family member, use this formula and see if you arrive at a different result. If your answer is different from mine, I recommend you check whether your dog is actually an illegal immigrant from the feline world and has been living with you under an assumed canine identity.



Posted by on April 26, 2014 in At the Hideout, Pet Humor


Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “From the Hideout – Finally, a formula that calculates the Cuteness of your Dog!

  1. mavimet

    April 27, 2014 at 2:21 am

    I like this. Chester gets Infinity too! 🙂


    • bobbyelhans

      April 27, 2014 at 2:25 am

      I am sure he does. The formula works for all real dogs. In fact, it could be instrumental in helping us detect impostors.



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